So here I am sitting in my kitchen in the early hours of the morning knowing that I need to go to bed but, I just started this blog so I now can't... I am back in the Cedar of cities and I'm liking school so far. BIG NEWS. I brought one of my family's cars down this semester so I can go to the store to by my milk all by myself and start acting a bit more grown up. I will probably be getting my own car in the next month or two and cross your fingers that its one that I will love and will be good to me in the years to come. The semester so far has been pretty quiet. One of my roommates, Steph, graduated in the fall so she didn't come back in the Spring so that is a bummer but she is on doing big stuff. I have only been down here for two weeks and already I am learning more life lessons that will help me in the future... hopefully. This is just a side note but, has anyone ever felt like they learn the same life lesson more than once and they just feel stupider each time they make the same mistake? I'm not saying I have or anything... I mean who does that? Anyway, I just have come to the conclusion that forgiveness is truly divine. I seriously don't know how people hold onto grudges for people... to me it takes so much effort to be angry at someone for more than an hour. I tend to forget a lot of the time that I should be angry at someone... Some people would say that is weak but, I find it to be a strength. If you can't even remember you're angry at someone than you must love that person a great deal right? My favorite though is when two people hate each other and you ask them why and they don't even remember the argument or disagreement that broke their relationship. I think that is weak. It kind of reminds me of the quote that says "Hate is easy but, Love takes courage". I think sometimes we put a wall up so we don't get hurt but most of the time that wall is doing nothing but crumbling down on us and we become our own enemy. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying that I'm perfect because I am very far from it... My mind is just going at a mile a minute. Something that I can say is that I've asked forgiveness from everyone that I feel I have wronged in anyway and that is pretty satisfying. If you are reading this blog and I have been mean to you or something let me know and I will make you a card with cookies and be at your house in a flash. To me, being on good terms with everyone I'm around is a big deal to me. Even if I have a little tiff with one of my homies I get super bummed out and have to talk to them before I feel alright about it again. Something else that I have been discovering is that if you feel iffy about something confront it and if it doesn't go your way then you have to look at it in the perspective that you've done all you can and that you have to let things be sometimes. If it's meant to be , it's meant to be.Do all you can do and then go on your way. Now that I have got all my philosophical thoughts out of my head let me just close with something happier.
 I am now ready to go to bed...it's two days until the weekend and Alan is comin to town.

Get Me Outta Cedar City

Finals are coming up and I'm going insane... All I do is study...eat and pee occasionally...and sometimes sleep. I forget sometimes what its like to talk with human beings because I study with my ipod and don't talk to anyone while I study. I have had a lot of alone time which I love but, I know now that I like talking to people and coming home and talking to my roomies, especially Steph. I am beginning to get super bummed because she is going to be moving back to Salt Lake in about six days... I am really going to miss her. She is my soul mate...Cedar City is such a cute little town but I am getting claustrophobic. Something that I have definitely figured out this semester is that I'm a city person all the way.I was once stamped as a cookie cutter by some random guy and I didn't even care. Anyway, something else that I have learned is that I lack full independence without a car... which by the way I'm going nuts without. Cedar is small enough as it is but without a car it's even smaller. The only places I go are campus, church, and my house. If I go anywhere besides those places I have to be accompanied by a driver with an automobile.It gets annoying but none the less I am grateful for what I have. It just sucks being a college student with no money for a car. So if anyone wants to donate to the Kathleen is poor fund I would be most grateful. I will pay you back one day soon when I become rich. So that is what is going through my head this Saturday night as I sit by myself, in my room being a loser. I can't wait for Winter Break and being home with my family for a month plus the Vegas Bowl! I need a break from this small town thing!!

Just The Way I Am...

So here's the deal... I am super indecisive and always have been but, when it comes down to the nitty gritty serious stuff I usually know what to do. Lately though I feel like I am more in the dark then ever, and that I am on my own stage acting out a play that I don't have the script for. I've always had a plan... a very strict plan of what I was going to do in my life and how I was going to achieve the goals I have. Lately however, those plans have been slightly altered. I don't know what next year or even next week brings. It is so weird to just walk into the unknown every day. It's a journey that I am scared of. Scared of what the future brings and that I am not following exactly what is in the plan that Heavenly Father has in store for me... I guess I am a bit scared of what the answers to my prayers are going to be. I know it's silly. I'm a bit of a psycho and don't know why I have been blessed with so many great friends. Speaking of good  friends I would like to acknowledge some of them right now.

Steph Sampson- she has become one of my best friends. I have only known her for a short amount of time but, I feel like she knows me just as well, if not better than people I have known for years. She has been a great blessing of a roommate and there is no coincidence that I am living under the same roof as she is. It's sounds weird but, I feel like she is my soul mate.

Steven Warby- He has been a great example to me and such a comfort. I can talk to him about just about anything. He always has the best interests in mind for me and is honest about what he thinks.

James Hawker- Even thought this kid is on his mission I would feel really bad if I didn't include him in here. I have known him since before high school and have spent many hours with him. I miss him every day but, I know what he is doing is right and that he is having experiences that will help him in his life post mission. I look forward to hearing from him each week.

Mary-Cate Greene- I have known this girl for awhile... she has been there for me through think and thin and I know that she will always remain a loyal friend to me and be there in time of need. She is one of the most caring people I know and I value her very much.

Paige Rasmussen- I have known her since Elementary school and I am so glad we've become such good friends in college. She is definitely a ball of spit fire and sass but, sometimes I like that in a friend. She is honest and caring always.

Heather Allen- This girl is so fun to be around! I rock out with her at hard core concerts. Her laugh is so contagious and being around her just puts me in a good mood. She also does my hair really well and while she does we have such great chats. :)

Laura Thorley- she is my lesbian lover whom I devote much love for. We make good jokes together and most people think they are inappropriate but, I find them funny and that's all that matters. I'm so stoked that she is moving to Salt Lake this Spring so I can hang out with her more this summer :)

Alan Harris- He knows me better than I know myself sometimes. I love and care about him very much. He shows me each day how he feels. Being away from him is hard but, I really enjoy staying in contact with him constantly. He is the most sincere person I have ever met. We have been through a lot the past seven months and I know that we will probably go through much more yet I am still standing beside him so scared and at the same time so excited because my hand is in his and there's nothing to worry about.

I also am so grateful for family. God was showing off when he made mine... Just sayin. My family can be loud, obnoxious, and the most loving I know. Though we are always sarcastic and at times get to the point of vulgarity I know that I could go to any of them with anything. We are so close to one another despite the distance I have from everyone.

Well it is getting late so I better stop blogging because I tend to say things I don't mean when I get tired... so that is all for today :)

I'm new at this...

So I have never been a blogger but, many of my girlfriends have blog pages that I love reading so I decided to join the trend. Things are good in my life they have definitely been  better but, I feel like I am gaining wisdom through life's trials. I am so grateful to have the church in my life and to know of the miracles it brings us if you put faith in it's teachings. Something else that I am grateful for is the family that I have been blessed with. I love them so much. I had such an incredible talk with my dad early this week that made me see how great of a man Heavenly Father let me have to call my daddy. Even though I am in the middle of my biggest trial thus far in my life, I am happy because I know I have my savior Jesus Christ, and my Heavenly Father to rely on who will never abandon me.